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Marmite's Guide to the Burren Perfumery

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It's a tough life for a cat out here....


Having lived at the Burren Perfumery for seventeen years now, there’s no cat better suited to give you some insider tips for your next visit.

I like to spend my mornings waiting at the doors of the tearooms - you never know when someone might drop something delicious.  

After some rather unkind comments about my weight, my Humans put me on this thing called  a ‘diet’. This seems to be some kind of order from The Veterinary Overlords to punish me by only feeding me two  measly bowls of kibble a day! I do not blame my Humans for this. I understand their social structure to be strange and hierarchical, and I  would not wish for the terrible wrath of The Vet to be brought down upon them. 

My beautiful, curvaceous body before my 'diet'


As a young cat I attempted to supplement my diet by hunting. I had perfected the art of camouflaging myself inside the birdhouse.

The birds always seemed to be two steps ahead of me....


However,  this was not as effective as I had hoped… I have since found the return on investment to be much higher by simply waiting for some kind visitor to take pity on me and feed me a saucer of milk.

My brother Ginger would often have to turn on the charm in order to get that delicious cream from the guests


The shop can be a nice place to get petted. The lack of cake crumbs on the floor is disappointing, but I’ve heard the creams are very good. I’ve never been allowed to try them though, which is shame because I really like cream…

If you find yourself getting sleepy (as I often do) there are lots of good spots in the storeroom to curl up and have a nap. If you happen to sleep past closing time and get locked in, don’t worry! The humans have installed an alarm that goes off when I get up so that they know to come and get me. They call it a “burglar alarm”, which I can only assume is another word for cat. An abbreviation of “cat burglar” perhaps. However, I would caution that is rather loud, and makes for a rude awakening. I have asked them to turn it down, but like with many of my other requests, they have ignored me.

A stroll around the garden is a must. There are lots of good leafy bushes to shade yourself under if it gets too warm. If you get the chance, a walk in the Burren is also a great way to burn off the   cheesecake  from the tearooms. No matter what the weather, the view is always fantastic. Although it does help if you have a nice thick coat of fur to keep you warm.

Yours hungrily,





Fionn Doyle-Chowen

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